I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
