Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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