She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
