i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
