I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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