Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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