I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
