imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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