dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she peed on how many people?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
