btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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