Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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