All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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