We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
