...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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