so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
