You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
