her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
