I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
