I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
