He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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