I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize