she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
