she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
