this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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