You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
