whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
