I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
