my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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