you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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