he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
