The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
