Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
