Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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