see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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