forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
