Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
