I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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