Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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