Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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