she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize