My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
