just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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