but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
