i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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