We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
