Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
How naked do you want me to be?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
