I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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