am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
