so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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