I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
