Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
it was like eating out sand paper
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
