My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
