hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
