I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
