are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
