I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
