therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
