I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think my moral compass just broke
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
