I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
