1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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