splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
