my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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