She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
