Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
