I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
