So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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