i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
