Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
