i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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