My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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