I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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