I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
