Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
