I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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