a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
