Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
this beer tastes like vomit already
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
