i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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