just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I want you more than these girls want KFC
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
These tits shall not be calmed
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
