Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize