end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
