Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
