Plan B is the new Plan A
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
