Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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