I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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