Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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