she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
