Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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