Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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