I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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